Christmas Tree

Dear readers,

I would like to ask you when did a christmas tree become a symbol of class and prosperity. That if you didn't have a blinged out christmas tree you were a nobody.

Now, the trees must have matching themes. There is no sense of tradition anymore. Recently one of my friends got the inclination that her tree must be green and red. So, off to the store to buy a new fake tree, and anything red and green to hang from it. The whole time I kept asking why? Why must you abandon all of the baby's first christmas ornaments, candy canes, and colored lights.

I remember being a kid and Dad would drive around the farm and find a tree. Sure it was lop sided, uneven and made Charlie Brown's tree look like a steroid abuser, but that didn't matter. Every Christmas we would drag out that box of ornaments that dated back to the civil war. With that magical box we could transform the most hideous of trees in to something magical. It was an honor to help decorate the tree, to see all of the hand made ornaments that were passed down from generation to generation.

So to all you women out there with your color coordinated trees, I shake my head and laugh, because you have just found another way to commercialize and kill Christmas.

Mr. WAM

Home Remedies

Home remedies
You’ll be amazed at how simple these home remedies are.
* Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
* Avoid arguments with females about lifting the toilet seat — use the sink.
* For high-bloodpressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
* A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
* If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You won’t dare cough.
* You only need two tools in life — WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
* If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.


Found at : www.machinedesign.com

Fun in the Store

I was sitting out side of the fitting room, doing what every guy does.

That's right wait for eternity for his woman to try on 300 outfits only to purchase
a pair of undies.

I'm on my phone abusing the free wifi in the store to help kill the time.

A woman approaches, walks past me, and looks back to ask "Are you in line?"

I lost internet connection as she approached so I replied "Well I was."

The look on her face was Priceless!


*sometimes being hard of hearing makes for an interesting day*

A Dose of their own Medicine

You know how every advice column ever written about men and women go down the beaten path of the man becoming Mr. Fix it and just fixing the problems that women bring up. Therefore, looking at only the surface issue and not giving the woman the emotional support they are asking for in their silly misdirected manner.

On to the story.......

The phone rang for the 30th time that day. Who knew planning a camping trip could be so difficult?
I set back and watched her answer the phone and immediately knew who it was by the angered look. On the phone was Lilly she was calling again to ask about going to the bathroom while camping. Before that it was about food to bring, clothes to pack, and every other simple thing that most people figure out while they are camping.

Now Jess has taken the time to answer each of these question in painstaking detail, in other words she had went into "Mr. Fix it" mode and listed all the possible options for Lilly on each query. Now, this is the point where every guy can identify, for every question that was solved three more where phrased. I was laughing to myself at this point, seeing this all play out. Just like watching football where the defensive lines are battling it out, moving the ball up the field a few yards only to have it pushed back.

Watching Jess's aggravation increase had turned into pure excitement for me. I find myself wondering how much more of this will she take? Will she realize her flaw in her thinking?

Somewhere after the 40th phone call I could not contain my glee and set her down to get her full attention. I could tell that she was ready to write Lilly off for good as a friend. I simply look at her and tell her to quit trying to solve the problems and give Lilly some reassurance that she won't wipe her with poison oak or get knocked up by Bigfoot.

It was phenomenal to watch Jess's physiologically change. She had one of those light bulb moments and realized exactly what she was doing wrong by trying to solve everything.

Now I filed this conversation away for the next time Jess starts in with the 20 questions, I can say remember that time.......

~ Mr. Wam

Does this sunburn make me look fat?

“But baby, you look fine. You just got a little too much sun. It will be okay, no one will notice the huge red swatches of skin. Everyone gets sunburns occasionally. You'll be fine.”

How do you convince a woman that her appearance is okay? How can you convince one of the most self-conscious creatures in the known universe that her appearance is only one facet of who she is, and that most men will look anyway?
And why does she want to look so good anyway? Is she trying to attract other men? Wait a damn minute! Why would she be trying to do something like that? She should only be trying to appeal to her current mate: me. Or is it that silly competition thing that women possess that men simply cannot understand? Let's hope it is that. But, then again, if I were another woman and had seen this sun baked, wrinkled habenero pepper of a woman, I would feel no need to worry about competition. The skin condition will pass.
Or will it? Will I stay with this woman for a considerable amount of time? Will she continue to venture out in to the sun drenched expanses of beach and lake without using the suggested sunscreen? (How many times will I have to express my concern over her fair skin and over exposure? How many times will I have to explain that my skin is a much different conglomeration of cells and pigments that react differently to the sun, and that even though I do not put on sunscreen, her pale ass should? How many times...I digress.) If I do stay with this woman, will she turn out to be a wrinkled old hag because of her bad sunbathing habits?

Then, dammit, she may compete with other women, or try and draw the attention of other men, and all will be severely turned off by he baseball mitt texture of her skin. Who will laugh hardest, then?
And why do women always want to know if “this makes me look fat.” Men, NEVER answer this question honestly. NEVER. If she looks fat, maybe try suggesting an accessory or something of the like. But NEVER, NEVER say that she looks fat in ANYTHING. Not even in jest. If you have not other option, say that she looks good. Say that she looks DAMN good, and try your best to hide your dishonesty. Walk away quickly, you can never win this confrontation of appearance. She is only testing your loyalty. (And if she continues to actually look fat in her clothes, try finding another woman, unless you like big women.)
Ha, women...

JW

The Flip

People help me flush out an idea.

Recently, I was talking about "The Flip" where a guy would say one thing and the woman would flip it and take the negative way.
Now, I have had this rattling around in my head for a while. Then last night it hit me it all has to do with self image. Let me try and explain this.

"The Flip" is a lady replying how they FEEL, not what was HEARD (reread that until you understand it) .

We have to remember that women are emotional creatures.


So now "The Flip" makes a lot of sense it's an emotional response.

So you are asking how does this tie into self image, well that's easy.

Example time. Say for example some guy shot Hitler and was praised a Hero. Internally he could not accept the praise because he felt that he was a murderer for taking a life.
He could not see how many lives he saved, he could only focus on how bad he was because he killed. Therefore in his head he would turn the praise into the people making fun of him.

I guess what I am trying to say is because she has a bad self image (or too much negative self talk) she cannot accept the comment in the positive light. She has to break it down to a level that she feels is worthy of her belief system.

To put it in a guys perspective, it's just like seeing a mess of hot chicks and telling yourself they are out of your league.


Statement: You look Nice Today......

Reply: You think I'm FAT.



She replied that way because she was FEELING fat which dictated her reply.

I think we could write a book on this simple communication breakdown.
Women reply with their feelings and us guys try to argue our point on what was meant.

The best thing to do is just to reply back to them what they just said (I'm sorry that you are feeling fat today but you really look good in that shirt).

Yes no way off?

I found this post which gave me hope that all women are not insane.
http://herestohappywomen.blogspot.com/2006_04_01_archive.html
scroll down to the April 21st 2006 entry titled 'Do these pants make me look fat?".

Mr. WAM

The Dreaded Padded Seat

I must ask why do all women feel this unnerving need to buy and use padded toilets seats?

Are you planning on camping out there?

Trying to avoid a chafing your ass?

Have and abnormal obsession with foam covered vinyl?

For any guy that has ever had the wonderful experience of using on of these I present:

Why plastic padded toilet seats suck

#1. They are just uncomfortable give me hard plastic over vinyl any day

#2. They make your ass sweat

#3. They stay warmer longer after use (nothing worse than a warm toilets seat)

#4. The crack is always right there trying to gobble your shobble (which always makes you think how many other shobbles have been gobbled here where your shobble is currently being gobbled..say that three times fast)

#5. Feels smaller, Its like I am trying to crap through a washer, a 5/16 washer.

#6. With one of these you can't take a relaxing piss. Why you ask, because these things are worse than an attack dog the moment you let your guard down, it pounces, and falls closed. If you were lucky its only the seat and not the lid.
Needing a visual?
Imagine a cow peeing on a flat rock.



Oh one last though, that blast of cold air you feel every time you set down on it was sucked in when the last person stood up.


-Mr.WAM

-Thanks to M&J

This is Pure Genius

Lonely?

3rd Grade Knowledge

Reading Between the Lines

As I sat here browsing the personal ads on craigslist. The thought occurred to me of profiling the people that were making the listings and reading between the lines.

For example :

The little cutie that list no games, drama, and is already putting sexual limits on the online personal listing.....RUN. You haven't even met this chick yet and she is already laying the ground work to control you.

These girls are able to list all of those negative traits because they are programed to look for them. They constantly focus on the negative things in life and tend to have a bad self image.

Think about baseball, if someone didn't set you down and show you how to play then you would never know the game or the rules of the game. The ladies that list all of this stuff know the game and they know all the rules. What game you might ask it goes by many names, nagging, drama queen, general bitch, advanced mind control and just plain whipped.

The fact is she has a broader knowledge of the games that you ever will. How is this possible you might ask. Its quite simple she builds the game as she goes, therefore you cannot win.

Unless you refuse to play, and even that can get you into trouble.

Trust me find a woman who wakes up everyday focused on the positive things in life. Find someone who can make you laugh, and does not give a flying flip about what is on the cover of Cosmo.

Divorce and Women

Read this until your eyes melt.
This picture is full of satire but it also speaks volume of truth.

She Divorced because she was BORED!

No abuse, infidelity, or horrible living conditions
She simply filed a false claim of abuse against you.
Something that you will play hell trying to rectify later.

Just remember the court system will rule in the favor of the woman the majority of the time.

Publish Post

Truthful Financial Planning

Remember Guys it only takes wax and elbow grease to keep a car happy.

I found this article the other day while reading the paper.

I wish this was wrong with the whole world. Then we could all sit down and cry because we did not get the opportunity to be a sororistute.

I could also go on a rant about the poor little girl getting prescribed antidepressants because she didn't get in.

See people, this is what I am hoping to prevent. If her dad had only told her that she could not have the pony, Porsche, and Prada for her birthday once she would have learned to adapt and accept disappointment in life.


I'm really feeling sorry for the flake that will end up marrying this girl.

Welcome to my site,


First let me say I'm Pissed.

I'm Pissed as to how women act today, they have such a sense of entitlement it isn't even funny. They expect to be catered to, and just by being in their presence is enough to warrant you to conform to their demands. Please.

Also, I'm also superbly annoyed with all the guys (present company included) that go along with this and actually feed the cycle. They can not tell the woman NO. That word just simply does not exist in their vocabulary.


On this Blog, I'm planning to cover a wide variety of topics here, but they can generally be lumped under dealing with women. We will jump from everyone's favorite topics like the games women play, why they have such a chip on their shoulder, along with my thoughts and opinions that I hope will encourage you to think.

Not to mention this gives me a place to vent.....and vent I will.

So guys or ladies, if you have any stories where you wanted to just drop kick that Ignorant Bitch in the head send them in. All names will be changed to protect the guilty and I'll post them.
(I do not condone physical abuse of women, but taping their picture to skeet, punching bags, and rear view mirrors are all acceptable.)



Most important thing to remember is this is cheaper than anger management.

Mr. WAM