I never thought.....

that I would hear someone complaining about having a threesome.

Evidently, threesomes are only fun and enjoyable once in a blue moon, and like everything they can get old after a while. 

Who Knew?

Random Thought:

Is it better to be physically hung like a Moose, or have your lover believe you are.

Bitches Are Fun

Well pull up a chair and listen as I spin the latest tale of woe. I've named this tale Bitches Are Fun.

We have a fairly tight group of friends in my neighborhood. Throughout the week, you can find us gathering at different homes for dinner parties, birthdays, and poker tournaments. In this group of friends there are plumbers, contractors, beauticians and Jakie. Jakie is the Old Queen Bee, she is master of making the snide comment and generally just a bitch.

I've learned the best way to handle Jakie is to control the conversation. Just keep it on topics you want to talk about and only ask direct questions that require a yes/no answer. Much like aggressive dogs you got to keep bitches on a short leash also.

The invite arrives for the forth cookout and fireworks and it happens to be at Jakie's house. I decide to invite Tatiana, little latin spice. As the cookout gets going I her Jakie's mouth a running nonstop. Evidently, Tatiana is soaking all up and becoming furious. Little Miss Latina is just brewing so she makes a scene blows her latin load and storms off.

Lesson Time: Listen up Ladies. You really need to stop getting into pissing contest of who can be the biggest bitch. You can't fight bitcheness with more bitcheness, it just creates more bitcheness. Just like feeding Gizmo after midnight, it multiplies. Plus it makes you look like a bitch.


Tatiana comes back informs me she is going home and ask if I want a ride to my truck. On the way there she starts in on my ass.
T: I'm so hurt that you chose to stay. That you chose Jakie and her friends over me.
Me: Silence......I'm thinking I'm too drunk to deal with this.
T: Blah Blah...You never put me first.
Me: Silence....Thinking I really would like to know "You never put me first" really means.
T: Blah Blah...Bitch Bitch....Issues me some ultimatum about being with her.
Me: Silence...Weighing options and deciding that if she is going to break up with me for her ass getting pissed off then as they say "Lets get ready to rumble", because I don't care about the outcome.

T: Blah Blah something about not wanting to argue. I wish my memory was better, I was paying more attention to getting another beer.

Me: So let me get this straigt. You don't want to argue?
T: Yes
Me: We agree that Jackie is a bitch.
T: Yes
Me: We agree that she isn't worth talking about much less arguing about.
T: Yes
Me: The hell are we arguing for?

After going through this round of questioning three times I give up and decide if you want to argue and act stupid so can I. This starts with me jumping up and down in the drive way as I argue with her. I use every action to mock her during the argument all while continuing argue with her. It was true dual communication my words were the argument above while everyone of my actions were a representation as how stupid this whole argument was. The funny part was she was missing all of this, I could have flopped down and kicked and screamed and threw a huge temper tantrum and she would have missed it.

Moral of the story: Never Let the Bitches Win.


Words of Wisdom: Setting the rules of the game can only be done by you. You decide what is winning and loosing and what will get under your skin and what will be ignored. Therefore when dealing with the Jackies or Tatiana's in life don't become instaly irrated from their presence alone, thus allowing the bitch to win. Instead when they say that snooty comment, reply back with a true complement and leave the room. Love kills bitcheness every time along with conveying the message that you are in-control of your emotions and surroundings.


-Mr. WAM

What are you doing?

Do you ever get tired of that question? Do you know what always follows that question?
If you answered her wanting you to do something, then you are correct.

For example:

I'm driving home its 5:15. Woman knows I don't get home until 5:30 even using Doc's Brown DeLorean.

The first question is "What are you doing?"

Me: "Well lets see, I'm currently painting a Elephants toenails, while getting a BJ by an extraterrestrial, along with racing the evil witch inside that tornado before the house lands on her. " ( I just left work five seconds ago, I'm driving what else would I be doing.)

Her: "Oh, I was wondering if I had any tampons?"

Me: "Really? Well let me put on the Tampon Czar crown and peer deep into your future. You only bought the super mega jumbo back at the outlet last week. In theory you should have enough to plug the leak and save the Titanic." (They loaded them in the truck with a fork lift.)

Her: "I was just wondering."

Me: "So am I, wondering why you must ask me such questions when I am 50 miles from the house. When you could have waited 10 min and I would have been home, and could have verified that you indeed have enough tampons to asborb the flood waters in Pakistan. (I donated half her supply to Army core of engineers.)

Me: Secondly they don't expire, so if you think you are low buy more, trust me you will use them."

Efficiency People..

Mr. Wam

Meaning of Words

There is a lot of truth here. The values of words and phrases are completely different between people.

Never be afraid to ask for more clarification, it makes the difference between assuming and knowing.

Trusting a Woman

What does it mean to trust a woman?

Lets first start off with the definition of trust.

trust : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

I once heard it explained this way. Trust is knowing that some one will react the same way to the same situations. Think about that and the people who you trust you will find its true. You don't trust the people who fly off the handle or act erratic, repeatability builds trust.

Now, holding all this in thought lets return to the topic of trusting a woman.

Trust her to be nosy. She doesn't come over to clean your place because she wants to. Cleaning is an excuse to rummage through any bills, bank statements, old love letters, receipts or black books. Assume anything that is not under lock and key will be read, and don't leave the key out in the open for the "cleaning" lady to find.

Trust her to be Jealous. Jealous of everything, your sister, your mom, your car; anything that takes time away from you being with her. Expect to catch crap even if its her own vehicle.

Trust her to be insecure. The little voice in her head is constantly yelling at her that "your boobs are too small", "your ass is huge", "fat...ugly....bloated...". With all of that being blasted between their ears I'm surprised they have enough confidence to get out of bed in the morning.

Trust her that Given an Inch she will take a Mile. What starts out as lipstick in the bathroom drawer, quickly escalates to tampons under the sink, and having her moving in by the end of the week. Oh, and don't think about taking this stuff back to her, she will interpret it as you not wanting her stuff around. Which, (see above about the little voice) she will tell her self that you don't want her around and all hell will break loose.

Trust her to mark her Territory. Just so we are clear, you are her territory and so is your place. Ever notice, every time she comes over something is "Accidentally " left at your place. Notice how its always something gender specific, the lacy thong, the gold hoop earrings or the red high heels. Its never anything that could be easily explained away should another female show up. Ever wonder why she makes you hold her purse? Know you know.

Trust her to Spend money. More specifically, expect her to spend your money. She will view any positive balance as spendable and then create ways to spend it. Its best to have the woman believe that you live pay check to paycheck and own nothing but the shirt on your back.

-Mr. WAM

Thought of the week

At What point does the White Knight become the Custodian?

I'm all for helping some one out. But it seems that once people figure
this out their lives go all to hell and they keep looking at you to clean up the mess.

So I ask at what point does and why does this occur?
Are people just lazy and not wanting to take responsibility for their lives?