Home Remedies

Home remedies
You’ll be amazed at how simple these home remedies are.
* Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
* Avoid arguments with females about lifting the toilet seat — use the sink.
* For high-bloodpressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
* A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
* If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You won’t dare cough.
* You only need two tools in life — WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
* If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.


Found at : www.machinedesign.com

Fun in the Store

I was sitting out side of the fitting room, doing what every guy does.

That's right wait for eternity for his woman to try on 300 outfits only to purchase
a pair of undies.

I'm on my phone abusing the free wifi in the store to help kill the time.

A woman approaches, walks past me, and looks back to ask "Are you in line?"

I lost internet connection as she approached so I replied "Well I was."

The look on her face was Priceless!


*sometimes being hard of hearing makes for an interesting day*

A Dose of their own Medicine

You know how every advice column ever written about men and women go down the beaten path of the man becoming Mr. Fix it and just fixing the problems that women bring up. Therefore, looking at only the surface issue and not giving the woman the emotional support they are asking for in their silly misdirected manner.

On to the story.......

The phone rang for the 30th time that day. Who knew planning a camping trip could be so difficult?
I set back and watched her answer the phone and immediately knew who it was by the angered look. On the phone was Lilly she was calling again to ask about going to the bathroom while camping. Before that it was about food to bring, clothes to pack, and every other simple thing that most people figure out while they are camping.

Now Jess has taken the time to answer each of these question in painstaking detail, in other words she had went into "Mr. Fix it" mode and listed all the possible options for Lilly on each query. Now, this is the point where every guy can identify, for every question that was solved three more where phrased. I was laughing to myself at this point, seeing this all play out. Just like watching football where the defensive lines are battling it out, moving the ball up the field a few yards only to have it pushed back.

Watching Jess's aggravation increase had turned into pure excitement for me. I find myself wondering how much more of this will she take? Will she realize her flaw in her thinking?

Somewhere after the 40th phone call I could not contain my glee and set her down to get her full attention. I could tell that she was ready to write Lilly off for good as a friend. I simply look at her and tell her to quit trying to solve the problems and give Lilly some reassurance that she won't wipe her with poison oak or get knocked up by Bigfoot.

It was phenomenal to watch Jess's physiologically change. She had one of those light bulb moments and realized exactly what she was doing wrong by trying to solve everything.

Now I filed this conversation away for the next time Jess starts in with the 20 questions, I can say remember that time.......

~ Mr. Wam

Does this sunburn make me look fat?

“But baby, you look fine. You just got a little too much sun. It will be okay, no one will notice the huge red swatches of skin. Everyone gets sunburns occasionally. You'll be fine.”

How do you convince a woman that her appearance is okay? How can you convince one of the most self-conscious creatures in the known universe that her appearance is only one facet of who she is, and that most men will look anyway?
And why does she want to look so good anyway? Is she trying to attract other men? Wait a damn minute! Why would she be trying to do something like that? She should only be trying to appeal to her current mate: me. Or is it that silly competition thing that women possess that men simply cannot understand? Let's hope it is that. But, then again, if I were another woman and had seen this sun baked, wrinkled habenero pepper of a woman, I would feel no need to worry about competition. The skin condition will pass.
Or will it? Will I stay with this woman for a considerable amount of time? Will she continue to venture out in to the sun drenched expanses of beach and lake without using the suggested sunscreen? (How many times will I have to express my concern over her fair skin and over exposure? How many times will I have to explain that my skin is a much different conglomeration of cells and pigments that react differently to the sun, and that even though I do not put on sunscreen, her pale ass should? How many times...I digress.) If I do stay with this woman, will she turn out to be a wrinkled old hag because of her bad sunbathing habits?

Then, dammit, she may compete with other women, or try and draw the attention of other men, and all will be severely turned off by he baseball mitt texture of her skin. Who will laugh hardest, then?
And why do women always want to know if “this makes me look fat.” Men, NEVER answer this question honestly. NEVER. If she looks fat, maybe try suggesting an accessory or something of the like. But NEVER, NEVER say that she looks fat in ANYTHING. Not even in jest. If you have not other option, say that she looks good. Say that she looks DAMN good, and try your best to hide your dishonesty. Walk away quickly, you can never win this confrontation of appearance. She is only testing your loyalty. (And if she continues to actually look fat in her clothes, try finding another woman, unless you like big women.)
Ha, women...

JW

The Flip

People help me flush out an idea.

Recently, I was talking about "The Flip" where a guy would say one thing and the woman would flip it and take the negative way.
Now, I have had this rattling around in my head for a while. Then last night it hit me it all has to do with self image. Let me try and explain this.

"The Flip" is a lady replying how they FEEL, not what was HEARD (reread that until you understand it) .

We have to remember that women are emotional creatures.


So now "The Flip" makes a lot of sense it's an emotional response.

So you are asking how does this tie into self image, well that's easy.

Example time. Say for example some guy shot Hitler and was praised a Hero. Internally he could not accept the praise because he felt that he was a murderer for taking a life.
He could not see how many lives he saved, he could only focus on how bad he was because he killed. Therefore in his head he would turn the praise into the people making fun of him.

I guess what I am trying to say is because she has a bad self image (or too much negative self talk) she cannot accept the comment in the positive light. She has to break it down to a level that she feels is worthy of her belief system.

To put it in a guys perspective, it's just like seeing a mess of hot chicks and telling yourself they are out of your league.


Statement: You look Nice Today......

Reply: You think I'm FAT.



She replied that way because she was FEELING fat which dictated her reply.

I think we could write a book on this simple communication breakdown.
Women reply with their feelings and us guys try to argue our point on what was meant.

The best thing to do is just to reply back to them what they just said (I'm sorry that you are feeling fat today but you really look good in that shirt).

Yes no way off?

I found this post which gave me hope that all women are not insane.
http://herestohappywomen.blogspot.com/2006_04_01_archive.html
scroll down to the April 21st 2006 entry titled 'Do these pants make me look fat?".

Mr. WAM

The Dreaded Padded Seat

I must ask why do all women feel this unnerving need to buy and use padded toilets seats?

Are you planning on camping out there?

Trying to avoid a chafing your ass?

Have and abnormal obsession with foam covered vinyl?

For any guy that has ever had the wonderful experience of using on of these I present:

Why plastic padded toilet seats suck

#1. They are just uncomfortable give me hard plastic over vinyl any day

#2. They make your ass sweat

#3. They stay warmer longer after use (nothing worse than a warm toilets seat)

#4. The crack is always right there trying to gobble your shobble (which always makes you think how many other shobbles have been gobbled here where your shobble is currently being gobbled..say that three times fast)

#5. Feels smaller, Its like I am trying to crap through a washer, a 5/16 washer.

#6. With one of these you can't take a relaxing piss. Why you ask, because these things are worse than an attack dog the moment you let your guard down, it pounces, and falls closed. If you were lucky its only the seat and not the lid.
Needing a visual?
Imagine a cow peeing on a flat rock.



Oh one last though, that blast of cold air you feel every time you set down on it was sucked in when the last person stood up.


-Mr.WAM

-Thanks to M&J

This is Pure Genius

Lonely?