Trusting a Woman

What does it mean to trust a woman?

Lets first start off with the definition of trust.

trust : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

I once heard it explained this way. Trust is knowing that some one will react the same way to the same situations. Think about that and the people who you trust you will find its true. You don't trust the people who fly off the handle or act erratic, repeatability builds trust.

Now, holding all this in thought lets return to the topic of trusting a woman.

Trust her to be nosy. She doesn't come over to clean your place because she wants to. Cleaning is an excuse to rummage through any bills, bank statements, old love letters, receipts or black books. Assume anything that is not under lock and key will be read, and don't leave the key out in the open for the "cleaning" lady to find.

Trust her to be Jealous. Jealous of everything, your sister, your mom, your car; anything that takes time away from you being with her. Expect to catch crap even if its her own vehicle.

Trust her to be insecure. The little voice in her head is constantly yelling at her that "your boobs are too small", "your ass is huge", "fat...ugly....bloated...". With all of that being blasted between their ears I'm surprised they have enough confidence to get out of bed in the morning.

Trust her that Given an Inch she will take a Mile. What starts out as lipstick in the bathroom drawer, quickly escalates to tampons under the sink, and having her moving in by the end of the week. Oh, and don't think about taking this stuff back to her, she will interpret it as you not wanting her stuff around. Which, (see above about the little voice) she will tell her self that you don't want her around and all hell will break loose.

Trust her to mark her Territory. Just so we are clear, you are her territory and so is your place. Ever notice, every time she comes over something is "Accidentally " left at your place. Notice how its always something gender specific, the lacy thong, the gold hoop earrings or the red high heels. Its never anything that could be easily explained away should another female show up. Ever wonder why she makes you hold her purse? Know you know.

Trust her to Spend money. More specifically, expect her to spend your money. She will view any positive balance as spendable and then create ways to spend it. Its best to have the woman believe that you live pay check to paycheck and own nothing but the shirt on your back.

-Mr. WAM

Thought of the week

At What point does the White Knight become the Custodian?

I'm all for helping some one out. But it seems that once people figure
this out their lives go all to hell and they keep looking at you to clean up the mess.

So I ask at what point does and why does this occur?
Are people just lazy and not wanting to take responsibility for their lives?

Christmas Tree

Dear readers,

I would like to ask you when did a christmas tree become a symbol of class and prosperity. That if you didn't have a blinged out christmas tree you were a nobody.

Now, the trees must have matching themes. There is no sense of tradition anymore. Recently one of my friends got the inclination that her tree must be green and red. So, off to the store to buy a new fake tree, and anything red and green to hang from it. The whole time I kept asking why? Why must you abandon all of the baby's first christmas ornaments, candy canes, and colored lights.

I remember being a kid and Dad would drive around the farm and find a tree. Sure it was lop sided, uneven and made Charlie Brown's tree look like a steroid abuser, but that didn't matter. Every Christmas we would drag out that box of ornaments that dated back to the civil war. With that magical box we could transform the most hideous of trees in to something magical. It was an honor to help decorate the tree, to see all of the hand made ornaments that were passed down from generation to generation.

So to all you women out there with your color coordinated trees, I shake my head and laugh, because you have just found another way to commercialize and kill Christmas.

Mr. WAM

Home Remedies

Home remedies
You’ll be amazed at how simple these home remedies are.
* Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
* Avoid arguments with females about lifting the toilet seat — use the sink.
* For high-bloodpressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
* A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
* If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You won’t dare cough.
* You only need two tools in life — WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and does, use the duct tape.
* If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.


Found at : www.machinedesign.com

Fun in the Store

I was sitting out side of the fitting room, doing what every guy does.

That's right wait for eternity for his woman to try on 300 outfits only to purchase
a pair of undies.

I'm on my phone abusing the free wifi in the store to help kill the time.

A woman approaches, walks past me, and looks back to ask "Are you in line?"

I lost internet connection as she approached so I replied "Well I was."

The look on her face was Priceless!


*sometimes being hard of hearing makes for an interesting day*

A Dose of their own Medicine

You know how every advice column ever written about men and women go down the beaten path of the man becoming Mr. Fix it and just fixing the problems that women bring up. Therefore, looking at only the surface issue and not giving the woman the emotional support they are asking for in their silly misdirected manner.

On to the story.......

The phone rang for the 30th time that day. Who knew planning a camping trip could be so difficult?
I set back and watched her answer the phone and immediately knew who it was by the angered look. On the phone was Lilly she was calling again to ask about going to the bathroom while camping. Before that it was about food to bring, clothes to pack, and every other simple thing that most people figure out while they are camping.

Now Jess has taken the time to answer each of these question in painstaking detail, in other words she had went into "Mr. Fix it" mode and listed all the possible options for Lilly on each query. Now, this is the point where every guy can identify, for every question that was solved three more where phrased. I was laughing to myself at this point, seeing this all play out. Just like watching football where the defensive lines are battling it out, moving the ball up the field a few yards only to have it pushed back.

Watching Jess's aggravation increase had turned into pure excitement for me. I find myself wondering how much more of this will she take? Will she realize her flaw in her thinking?

Somewhere after the 40th phone call I could not contain my glee and set her down to get her full attention. I could tell that she was ready to write Lilly off for good as a friend. I simply look at her and tell her to quit trying to solve the problems and give Lilly some reassurance that she won't wipe her with poison oak or get knocked up by Bigfoot.

It was phenomenal to watch Jess's physiologically change. She had one of those light bulb moments and realized exactly what she was doing wrong by trying to solve everything.

Now I filed this conversation away for the next time Jess starts in with the 20 questions, I can say remember that time.......

~ Mr. Wam

Does this sunburn make me look fat?

“But baby, you look fine. You just got a little too much sun. It will be okay, no one will notice the huge red swatches of skin. Everyone gets sunburns occasionally. You'll be fine.”

How do you convince a woman that her appearance is okay? How can you convince one of the most self-conscious creatures in the known universe that her appearance is only one facet of who she is, and that most men will look anyway?
And why does she want to look so good anyway? Is she trying to attract other men? Wait a damn minute! Why would she be trying to do something like that? She should only be trying to appeal to her current mate: me. Or is it that silly competition thing that women possess that men simply cannot understand? Let's hope it is that. But, then again, if I were another woman and had seen this sun baked, wrinkled habenero pepper of a woman, I would feel no need to worry about competition. The skin condition will pass.
Or will it? Will I stay with this woman for a considerable amount of time? Will she continue to venture out in to the sun drenched expanses of beach and lake without using the suggested sunscreen? (How many times will I have to express my concern over her fair skin and over exposure? How many times will I have to explain that my skin is a much different conglomeration of cells and pigments that react differently to the sun, and that even though I do not put on sunscreen, her pale ass should? How many times...I digress.) If I do stay with this woman, will she turn out to be a wrinkled old hag because of her bad sunbathing habits?

Then, dammit, she may compete with other women, or try and draw the attention of other men, and all will be severely turned off by he baseball mitt texture of her skin. Who will laugh hardest, then?
And why do women always want to know if “this makes me look fat.” Men, NEVER answer this question honestly. NEVER. If she looks fat, maybe try suggesting an accessory or something of the like. But NEVER, NEVER say that she looks fat in ANYTHING. Not even in jest. If you have not other option, say that she looks good. Say that she looks DAMN good, and try your best to hide your dishonesty. Walk away quickly, you can never win this confrontation of appearance. She is only testing your loyalty. (And if she continues to actually look fat in her clothes, try finding another woman, unless you like big women.)
Ha, women...

JW